A mess of a day

Yesterday was one of those days that kicked my tail in every way possible. By the time I turned out the lights last night, I was a picture perfect reflection of a hot mess, and it had nothing to do with the fact that the temps here in MS were up to 70 degrees.

I had been running on little sleep for a few nights in a row, traveling the highways and byways for work-related projects and meetings and feeling generally sluggish by the time I’d finished dinner. I am still not finished putting things away from the holidays at home, and the clutter currently in my house, is enough to drive anyone stark raving crazy. Admittedly, I’m not one of those who can function on 4-5 hours a sleep each night. I don’t think it’s healthy, and I believe the lack of rest eventually wrecks the body and mind. Some can function longer than others on little sleep, but the trade-off isn’t worth it. What is left behind is the lack of ability to have compassion, to listen to someone without anticipating what will be said, to overcompensate in some other unhealthy way. Lack of sleep is a thief that has no intentions of getting caught taking your life piece by piece.

Yesterday was one of those days that I realized the promise of January’s new goals and fresh starts was nothing more than a mud-slinging fight to the end of the day, and the tread marks from all the slinging of words and spinning tires haven’t dried yet. I’m anxious to dust the mud tracks off and begin again, but I must wait until the sloppy muck dries. It’s amazing what a little time and fresh air can do.

But here’s the thing, as much of a mess as I perceive some of my days to be, so far I have another day to try again. I can give grace where it may not be received; I can find different times to interact with important people in my life; I can focus another five minutes on cleaning that clutter out. Each day represents a new year. We don’t have to wait for the calendar to turn to January to make small and important adjustments in our lives. True changes come over time, but only if we want them for ourselves.

I look back at many of my messy days and realize they’re the ones that have taught me the most about myself. I am strong enough to stand in the face of a harsh wind. And I’m smart enough to know when to retreat and when to fight some more. Facing the giants is messy, hard work. But I’ve been told there are health-related benefits to taking a mud bath. I’m ready to try again to expunge those toxins in my life. What a privilege of another messy day!

The coat with the fur

It will be a year ago this March that our daily lives changed from living with dogs to being a family of two again – void of the companionship, unconditional love, daily feedings and walks, playtime, tennis ball chases, neighborhood escapades, travels, wet-tongue kisses, and fur on our clothes.

The change was immediate. There’s no easing into life without a dog. Every moment there was no bark or a wandering through the house looking for her people was a moment that I felt empty and alone. The nuances of the daily routines and expectations were very different and hard. And to this day, I still turn down the aisle of the grocery store where the marshmallows can be found, and tears spring out of my eyes. I’m forced to stand there like a blubbering idiot wanting just one more time to stock up on marshmallows for my girls. Until Sadie and Lily, I never knew Labradors loved the fluffy, sticky balls of goodness. Buying them marshmallows was as much a part of my grocery shopping routine as purchasing coffee. There was no choice.

When our last angel, LilyPad, passed away in March, it was weeks before I took up her water and food bowls. I left her bed in the laundry room which is exactly where she loved to sneak off to for a little privacy of her own from time to time. And the first two months, I never wanted to go to bed because the absence of her warm body between SB and me was too much to bear. I still miss her snoring and running in her sleep.

For the past fifteen years, we’ve had dogs, and that also meant we avoided wearing black when we were in a rush. We became professional clothes pickers – grabbing at and pulling off long strands of white fur that would pierce through the fabrics. Sometimes it was embarrassing for me to have a colleague stand there and brush me off as if I had no awareness I was wearing the fur from our girls. There was a time it was humiliating because I thought it showed a weakness that we were unkempt or lived in a dirty or messy house.

This morning as I was dressing for work, I grabbed a lightweight coat. The royal blue was a good balance to my black dress and tights. It added just a pop of color that I was looking for on this gloomy day. As I arched my back to throw it around for my arm to swipe in the sleeve, the white fur grabbed my attention. Instead of panicking about looking sloppy, I smiled. I pulled it off and just stood there giving the coat the once over, looking at every single piece of fur I could find… and there are quite a few still on it. For a moment, I couldn’t breathe. I wanted just one more time to rush through the house on my way out the door and grab both of my angels’ ears. I wanted Sadie to pace between my knees back and forth while her fur covered my black tights. I wanted Lily’s coarse fur to jump all over my coat again as I laughed in complete satisfaction that I was blessed with being a dog mama to the finest dogs on earth. They were the sweetest souls who gave me much more than I could ever give to them.

As I stood there looking at the blue coat speckled here and there with a few of Lily’s pieces of fur, I realized that there’s probably very few pieces of my clothing that haven’t been subjected to the brushing off of dog hair. And every fiber in the fabric of my heart was pierced again today with the goodness of what it means to live with a dog. There’s not much of a sweeter memory than one in which you are covered up in love.

 

epiphany day 2017

Let it not be lost that Epiphany Day this year has turned into a snow day for a majority of people I know all across the South. While my social media feeds are flooded with pictures of friends and family frolicking in cold snowy moments, we’ve received the good fortune of sleet. I’m not sure who can get excited about sleet, but I’m positive all the bread and milk have disappeared off the shelves at Kroger. I saw someone post that the most important thing on snow days should be making sure you have stocked up on toilet paper as opposed to bread and milk. I can’t disagree with that statement. In fact, we should all  be prepared with enough Charmin every day.

It’s only been in the recent years that I’ve become more aware and observant of Epiphany Day and what that means in my faith and beliefs. Generally once Christmas has come and gone, the rush to put away ornaments and Christmas wrappings swoops in, and we are left with the meaning of Christmas boxed up, locked up and stuffed away until it is time to bring it all out the next year.

But the observance of Epiphany Day reminds us that the meaning of Christmas has only just begun. After traveling night after night, the three kings found the baby Jesus on this day by following a star. Although his birth had happened weeks before, their commitment to find and honor him remained their number one priority. Once they found him, they opened their treasure chests and offered their very best of gold, frankincense, and myrrh as gifts to the King of the earth. The Adoration of the Magi is something that humbles me beyond words. Powerful, wealthy kings knelt in adoration to a tiny baby who was far more influential in the world than any other king was or would be.

We live in a world obsessed with power and greed. I know people who are so consumed with acquisitions in their personal and professional lives that their need to prove to others they are wealthy and powerful becomes the king to which they bow. We live in a world where humility is a lost character trait. Our world tells us to “be bold, be fierce, stop at nothing to get what you want,” and we miss the opportunity to connect with and hear the cries of hurting souls all around us. We miss the treasure of carrying the gift of this season beyond the Rubbermaid boxes of the holly and the tartan plaid ribbon. We miss many epiphanies of what it means to honor truth and light.

I guess my epiphany on Epiphany Day is one that forces me to reevaluate my own priorities for each day. The older I get the harder I find it is to declare things I will change for an entire year. Sometimes I’m doing good to focus on being truth and light from one day to the next or one moment to the next. But my hope for my life and this world lies in the gift of the manger scene and the Adoration of the Magi on all those years ago. So in the spirit of Epiphany Day, I honor you with the gift of wishing you a Merry Christmas today and every day, and may you keep the Gift of Hope unwrapped always.